10:18

I guess that I have followed this story from the very beginning. I have spent many many hours pouring over different news stations, reading article after article, reading documents as they are released to the public, and thinking about this little girl.

I can’t help but be mystified as is the rest of the nation as to what truly happened to this little girl. I look at mine on a daily, moment to moment basis and think ‘My god, I’d be crazy.’

How can a mother, a young mother, so completely ignore all avenues of help if her child was truly dropped off at a sitter’s and just wasn’t there when she returned. I can see her panicking and yet… not, because ‘they’re probably just at the store’. I can’t see waiting through out the night though. I wouldn’t have made it more than an hour, maybe two if I truly trusted the nanny.

On the other hand, if something bad did happen to this little girl… how could she go about her life as if nothing at all has happened. The photos of her at the night club kind of blow any real theory that can be made in her defense. And part of me wants to believe that aside from her lies and aside from her stupidity, there’s truly a good part of her that didn’t hurt her baby. I want to believe that so bad.

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• Blending Remember the Milk with Twitter #

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Today is the day!  We’re starting the meds today to quit smoking… hopefully two weeks from today I will be a quitter!

 Never thought I’d want to be a quitter lol.

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Teresa’s funeral was yesterday… it was a really nice service. i was very impressed with the amount of people that showed up. i remember at daddy’s funeral it made me feel good to know so many people cared. of course, i didn’t even remember the people being there, i just later saw the sign in sheet and saw the number of people there…

i do miss daddy.. seems like it was just yesterday.. i wish he could see my little girl.. she would have loved him so much.. and he her.. damn this is making my heart hurt.. i gotta work for a while…

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burning a cd for Teresa’s funeral this afternoon…… god she was a brave beautiful soul..

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i will be making most everything in my house and now that i’ve put an actual design into action with my office i know that i have good ideas.  sounds ridiculous i know, but i’ve always had a problem with having confidence in my own ideas.  now occasionally i get small scale ideas and have no problem making them happen.  but i do have this healthy fear of failure.  it affects everything i do and i’ve really just managed to live around it all these years.  but with the upcoming house space, i will be at the base of every thing that happens in there.  my decision, my style, my taste… woe to the one who tries to stop me…

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setting up twitter

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Your Linguistic Profile:

45% General American English35% Dixie5% Midwestern 5% Upper Midwestern 5% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

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it’s 12:49 am and i’m just way too tired to be writing anything.   but… i had to get this shit fixed before i could think about sleeping.  i needed a place to talk, to share, to combine… there are so many sides to me that i feel like each of them get ignored when i focus one site on one thing… so this is where i’m going to combine everything.. an eclectic disaster i’m sure..  but so be it.. if you don’t like it.. lump it.. i also have no intentions of shielding anyone from any thoughts i have… readers beware..

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I know I haven’t posted in a long while, but it seems like I’m overwhelmed by the fact that I *havent* posted and in order to post.. I need to catch everyone up..

Instead of doing that, I’m just going to start to day. I’ll go back and fill in the blanks later.

Today is my last real day in Dallas, in my apartment.. my home. My company decided after the fact to not pay my maternity leave and leave me homeless. I have a 4 week old baby, I’m homeless, and totally dependent on MY parents again. Lovely huh?

So I’ve been packing since Tuesday, which is no easy accomplishment with a newborn. I feed her, change her, and get her to sleep…. then I clean and pack like mad for the amount of time I can. That’s also the time I have to shower, eat, and take care of myself… and sleep.

Let’s not forget during that time I also have to wash her clothes, wash and boil her bottles, make new bottles and take out trash.

I so admire new mothers now.. they do so much more than anyone realizes. And in SO little time..

There are also two or three times a day that you feed (feedings are every 4 hours) and then she’s awake… my baby is heavenly.. she’s a good good natured child.. rarely fusses, rarely cries.. unless something is REALLY wrong (ie: dirty diaper or hungry). She’s not used to the apartment though, she requires more attention here than she does at my mom’s.

When she’s awake, I put her in her bouncy/vibrating seat… she’s good to go… SO LONG AS she can see me. Which means, I can work right next to her. But don’t think I can walk into the other room and accomplish anything lol.. a couple minutes and she’s lettin me know I’m not visible..

She doesn’t DO this at mom’s house.. I can be in any room and she’s good to go where ever I have her sitting.. It’s ok though, cuz we won’t be stayin here.. and if we were she would eventually get used to the place.. It has taught me a good lesson though.. I need to start taking her out to the office daily to get her used to it.. so that when tax season hits.. she’ll be ready.

Anyhow… back to packing.. I just needed a quick break.

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